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Why Do I Crave Love So Much...?

Why do I crave love so much...?

Why do I want someone to love me madly...?

Why do I want someone to hold my hand during the darkest hours of my life...?

Why do I want someone to speak to me softly... even when the world is shouting at me...?

Why do I want someone to cry when I am in pain...?

I have asked these questions to myself thousands of times...

And every single time... I failed to find an answer.

Maybe because I have been a sufferer all my life...

Maybe because some children grow up learning how to survive... but never learn how to be loved...

I never begged people to love me...

And honestly... I never will.

Why should I beg for something which should come naturally...?

Why should I ask someone to stay... when their heart already wants to leave...?

Since childhood... I never really got the things I wanted...

Not the love...

Not the affection...

Not the warmth...

Not the feeling of being somebody's first choice.

So perhaps... somewhere inside me... a child is still standing at the same door... waiting for someone to come back.

I had so much love to give.

Too much.

More than I probably should have.

I fixed people's wounds...

I stood beside them when nobody else did...

I repaired broken relationships...

I stayed during their storms...

I listened to their cries...

I carried their fears...

I became their strength...

I gave everything I had...

Time...

Energy...

Care...

Affection...

My entire heart.

And every single time... while saving them...

I lost a little more of myself.

Whenever I fell in love...

And when I say I fell...

I actually fell.

Completely.

I lost myself somewhere between their smile and my hope.

Somewhere between their "I care for you" and my belief that maybe... finally... somebody would stay.

Because for people like me...

Love is never small.

It is never casual.

It is never temporary.

We don't keep pieces of ourselves.

We hand over the entire soul.

And perhaps that is our biggest mistake.

Today... I feel empty.

Completely empty.

I do not have feelings anymore.

I do not feel excitement.

I do not feel happiness.

Even pain has become ordinary.

Everything feels normal.

People leave...

Normal.

Promises break...

Normal.

Sleepless nights...

Normal.

Crying silently...

Normal.

Sometimes... I do not even feel like living.

Not because I want to die.

But because I am tired.

Tired of carrying things alone.

Tired of pretending that I am okay.

Tired of being strong.

Tired of hearing "You will be fine" from people who never stayed long enough to see how broken I actually am.

I tried everything.

Music...

Writing...

Silence...

Late-night walks...

Conversations...

Distance...

Work...

But the pain stays.

It stays quietly.

Like an old guest who forgot to leave.

The pain of being left behind.

The pain of feeling that nobody truly cares.

The pain of realizing that sometimes this world measures your worth by your success... your money... your usefulness.

And when you have nothing left to offer...

People slowly disappear.

If you are reading this...

I want to tell you something.

Please do not lose yourself while loving someone.

Love deeply.

Love honestly.

Love completely.

But keep one small room inside your heart for yourself.

Because if someday they leave...

And sometimes people do leave...

You should have somewhere to return.

I made someone my entire world.

And when they walked away...

The world disappeared too.

People say love heals.

Maybe it does.

But love can also destroy.

It can take away your sleep.

Your peace.

Your confidence.

Your smile.

And sometimes... even your emotions.

Today... I sit here writing this...

Not as a man who lost someone.

But as a man who lost himself while loving someone.

And perhaps that is a greater tragedy.

If you ever meet a person who loves quietly...

Who stays during your worst days...

Who listens to your chaos...

Who forgives your mistakes...

Who loves you without asking for anything...

Please hold them gently.

Because people like them spend their entire lives waiting to receive even a fraction of the love they give.

And if you ask me today...

Why do I crave love so much...?

Perhaps the answer is simple...

Because I spent my entire life giving it to everyone else...

And forgot to save some for myself...

:)

— Kabir

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